Joke of the day

[Fla 66 cuda]

A man goes on a busness trip to southeast asia
While he's there he visits a whore house
several weeks after his return he notices his member has a problem so he goes to his doctor the doc looks at it and suggests it be removed he says i want a second opinion
he figures asian problem asian doctor he makes an appointment and goes
doctor comes in and says whats the problem he drops his drawers and the doc says look at that your dick is all different colors red,brue,purple,green,prad!!!
asian doc- did you go another doctor
man - yes
doc - what he say
man - it would have to be removed
asian doc- cut off you dick no! no! no! you no got to do dat!
the man said thank god
asian doc-two tree weeks it fall off all by it self.

[Onk]

hahahaha

[SmokedRam]

lol

[MRS.PAID4]

wow... Lol

[Challenger345]

HEAVEN OR HELL?

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"





The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."

[Fla 66 cuda]

Ha ha ha lmao ain't it the truth.

[NOTPAID4]

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii247/deboyacej/th_Mouselaughing.jpg?t=1291688655 (http://s266.photobucket.com/albums/ii247/deboyacej/?action=view&current=Mouselaughing.jpg)HaHaHa.... those are GREAT!!!!!

[NOTPAID4]

This is just the medicine I may need....... LOL

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii247/deboyacej/NewRXfro1.jpg?t=1291738935

[BAD HABIT]

those are great guys, keep em coming....

[Igolo]

Lmao...those are great!!

[Igolo]

The Defective Parrot.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.


The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'


The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies.


'You actually understood and answered me. !'

'I got every word,' says the parrot.


'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.


'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.


You can't see it, because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy.

'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.






I'm especially good at ornithology


You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.

'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet

You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'

The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by.



The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.


The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.



'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'

'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'


'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.








'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'


'Yes.





Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'

DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'

[BAD HABIT]

Nice, that ones good.....sp

[Challenger345]

:flipthebird: CAMARO
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattling Oil Leaking Everywhere Truck

CHEVY
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Can't Have Everything Vern, YaknowwhatImean?
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Crap Hasn't EVolved Yet


GMC
God's Mechanical Curse
Getting Mostly Crap
GM Made Crap
Generally Makes Clouds
Garage Man's Companion
Generic Motors Corporation
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Greatest Mistake Created
Great Mountain of Crap
Greasy Messy Contraption
Gay Man's Chevy
Generically Made Chevrolet
Gimme My Checkbook!
Get More Cash!


Ouch!!!! :hmm:
FIAT
Found In A Trashcan
Fantastic In A Tightspot
Finest Italian Automotive Technology
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
Fix It Another Time


Just one for:
Ford
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge

[Fla 66 cuda]

Three children 7,5 and 4 are outside a house of ill repute sitting on the side walk play'in marbles. A car pulls up to the curb guy gets out steps over the kids and goes up to the door and rings the bell the door opens and a women dressed in a reviealing nightgown says what do you want? The man says you know what i want she says got any money? he says sure i do she says come in.An hour goes by and he leaves,not long after another man shows up and the same thing happens.This goes on all day while the kids look on finally the oldest one says i wonder what goes on in there, the youngest says lets go see, the middle kid says we have money lets go,so they go to the door and ring the bell the women opens the door and looks at them and says what the hell do you kids want the oldest says you know what we want she says you kids got any money they say yes ma'm she says come on in, soon as the door closes she grabbs the oldest one and throws him clear up the stairs, she grabbs the middle one and kicks him in the chest clear into the livingroom,she grabbs the youngest and throws him into the kitchen.Then she gathers them up bangs their heads togeather takes their money throws them out on the porch and slamms the door. The kids get up brush themselves off and go back to playin marbles, a little while later the youngest one says I DON'T THINK WE COULD HAVE PUT UP WITH A DOLLARS WORTH OF THAT SHIT.

[BAD HABIT]

chews heads eats valves rusts oil leaks every time

[SmokedRam]

:flipthebird: CAMARO
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattling Oil Leaking Everywhere Truck

CHEVY
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Can't Have Everything Vern, YaknowwhatImean?
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Crap Hasn't EVolved Yet


GMC
God's Mechanical Curse
Getting Mostly Crap
GM Made Crap
Generally Makes Clouds
Garage Man's Companion
Generic Motors Corporation
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Greatest Mistake Created
Great Mountain of Crap
Greasy Messy Contraption
Gay Man's Chevy
Generically Made Chevrolet
Gimme My Checkbook!
Get More Cash!


Ouch!!!! :hmm:
FIAT
Found In A Trashcan
Fantastic In A Tightspot
Finest Italian Automotive Technology
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
Fix It Another Time


Just one for:
Ford
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge


LOL....On the Chevy thing...did you know that GM wants to shed the nickname Chevy...so to stop their employees calling a Chevrolet a Chevy, they went to the extent of fining their employees like $1 everytime they heard the word Chevy used in the plants...

[Challenger345]

GM, needs cash :)

[NOTPAID4]

I thought this was pretty cute.....

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii247/deboyacej/theassfamily.jpg?t=1291822063
http://pic.pbsrc.com/spacer.gif

[OklaHemi]

while at school 3 little indian kids are learning about the importance of their names and heritage.

so after school the first kid goes home and ask daddy how did you get my name? and the dad replies the morning you were born, i looked out the teepee and i saw a beautiful meadow and the wind was blowing gently. so i named you "Meadow Breeze". ok she says

the next kid goes to his father and ask daddy how did you get my name. the father says son you were born at night and when i looked out the teepee i saw a bear atop a mountain standing tall. so i named you "Tall Bear". ok the kids says

the 3rd kid goes to his father and ask father how did you get my name.. the father looks puzzled and says to the boy why do you ask "Two Dogs Fucking"?

[Fla 66 cuda]

That's always a good one hahahaha